At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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