wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
