If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
