hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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