if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
