My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
