She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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