Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
