She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
