I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
