Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
