Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
