Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
