Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
