he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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