you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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