I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
