How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
