the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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