I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
