Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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