Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
