There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
