At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
