I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You took a bar mat shot.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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