A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Couch. On fire.
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