I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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