are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
