hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
