Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
