I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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