Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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