Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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