Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize