woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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