the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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