Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
my liver is dry heaving
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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