This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
