I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
