Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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