Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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