we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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