also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
