I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
