I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
