one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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