I'm so fucking centered right now
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize