I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
