We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
