Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
