My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
