I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
