he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
