I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
