dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
