Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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