She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are we still banned from the library?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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