Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
