that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize