My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
