I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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