Me too!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
