there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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