Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
