You work out of a Hotel?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
