I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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