Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
