She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
