Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
