If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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