I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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