about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
