he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize