im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
