that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
