Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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