Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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