I skipped work to stalk him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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