I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize