I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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