bring money and cleavage
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize