I want to have your abortion
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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