At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
