we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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