Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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