I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
