Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize