It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
