I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
