BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
