Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize