the condom got lost in my hair
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
