Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
