Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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