Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
