I feel great
I just peed on a car
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
