i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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