Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
