I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
