No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
