Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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