seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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