Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
