How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
