plz talk dirty to me
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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