I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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