Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
